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Sh*t I want to do this summer/year:
*Actually take the week off for my birthday (my old boss always took time off in taking time off around my birthday was never a good idea.)
*Go to the damn beach!
*Leave the country

I'll be able to do all these things in one month!
Aug 17th I bought tickets to see Jim breuer, one of my top Fav comics.
Then Aug 18th-19th I'm going to the beach!
I was able to book a two night stay in York beach Maine (ok price wise/best price all find booking something so late in the season for a motel room.) York beach and Hampton are the most commonly known beaches I have visited during my childhood. My fondest memories is When me and my best friend at the time went with her family to York beach for the day. We played at the arcade, perused the shops, we almost got swept out to sea due to the strong rip tides. We did it during the last weekend of summer before school. We never had a chance to go together ever again after that. The last time I spent a night in York beach was at a B&B with my mom a few years ago, which was really relaxing.

I took the 20th-27th off from work. I'm probably going to do a late dinner for my actual birthday day at An Tua Nua Monday and then ceremony, maybe attic and then IHOP! My clubby Monday night friends may actually get a chance to meet my B/f if they haven't already as he took the week off as well. :D
We should be well recovered from that till Thursday as our real adventure begins! I've never left the country, but I own a passport now and look forward to hitting up Canada.

I found a hotel ( Le Nouvel Hotel and Spa) It's considered in downtown Montreal that is in my price range, has off street parking if we need it and has a spa. I figured it be nice to get a massage or jump in the whirl pool if we have the time for it. The hotel has mix reviews because it's outdated. We will just wing it, as long as there are no bed bugs and it doesn't smell that bad in terms of cigarette smoke, I'll be fine with it. It's just a place to crash for the night.
I really don't know what to expect and if anybody wants to comment of what I should check out in the city, please do! I'll probably hit up one of the gothy/80's/industrial club nights if there are any down there.
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Last night I forced myself to continue working on a painting that I told myself I'd finish before August. Then I had a dream last night that I plan on using for the the graphic novel I'm writing, which also gave me more plot/character development ideas as well. I've spent most of my work day writing.
me: Oh Hi Muse, glad to see your back!
Muse: I'm only here because I feel bad for you!
me: Ah, and here I thought you only came out when I've been drinking!? :P
Muse: You better not push it or all throw you into another deep depression!
me: ok!ok! How about a gimlet tonight, will that be suffice?
Muse:...mmm...It's a start!
Me: Your such fat cow Muse.
Muse: ...yeeeepppp!

I'm not nuts, just an artist. :D
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I had a great time at the steampunk world’s fair last weekend, I think I’ve tried 75% of all the absynths you can get in the US. I also tried some meads and if you enjoy flavored mead, go get some zombie killer. I did feel like the vendors were hard to find and a little too spread out and the board rooms for panels where much too small. So I didn’t end up going or staying long at any of the panels. The only musical performance I was able to check out was Frenchy and the Punk, which were really good. (The lead singer sounds very much like Siouxsie.) As well as seeing a few performers at the Absynth and mead tasting. The car trips there and back where fine, getting home was very hot and long though. My old rust bucket of a car did a good job making the trip.
more about the trip )
Next on my list is getting sh%t ready for vending at Foss fest. I’m tempted to buy a bunch of plastic headbands so I can use up some of my trim, ribbon and feathers and make a bunch of hair accessories. However, if it’s going to be a rainy event I may cancel on going. This saturday I’m going to go see the band Garbage! HOLYSHITAWESOMESAUSCESANDFIREANTSINMYPANTS!
Then I need to decide if I want to hit up Gay Pride Weekend or NPC for a Larp in June. (there both happening the same damn weekend.) Sounds like there may be some camping with Jon's friends around 4th of July as well. I bought myself an early birthday gift of tickets to go see Jim Breuer in August. So I'm totally psyched about that as well! No clue yet what to do for my birthday.

I need to return to painting and start working on my multimedia art project. I may actually have to write up a grant to help me with my project. :( Or maybe a kickstarter? It’s gonna cost some money to get photo’s blown up on large scale canvases.
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My iconic Death Angel Squadron Jet Pack will be up for sale this month!
During The Watch City Festival | May 12th - 13th, 2012 in Waltham, MA.
You can see it at the RFE Ethereal Exhibition. (Probably being shown at The Charles River Museum of Industry & Innovation.)
So if you want it, go get it!

Also my alter ego got confirmation for participating in this year's Queen of Steam Drag Contest for the Steampunk Worlds Fair!!! w00ty-w00t!w00t!

And then In June I hope to sell what’s left of my crafts, supplies and maybe show off some new stuff at this years FossFest.

I may be limping about because of some sort of stomach ulcer and life in general as of lately has been serving me up plenty of rejection, sorrow and stress but I’m not going to let that get the best of me for to long! I always fight to the bitter end. Bring it on MAY!


Apr. 20th, 2012 04:25 pm
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Well... after not hearing from anybody about helping me make a Dalek dress... I think I found my new inspiration in terms of what to make as a costume for the steampunk worlds fair.


Helmet is on it's way and I also ordered some Flexplastic stuff (Cosplayers use it a a lot.)

*does a happy dance*
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I spent most of my time trying to figure where things were and looking at awesome costumes. By saturday there were lines everywhere for panels and events, which sorta sucked. (Not use to waiting in lines just to get into a panel.) The artist alley was surprisingly awesome, too bad it was put in a small room and felt overcrowded on saturday. I’m not use too big con’s nor have I ever been to anything in the Hynes convention center. Next year I’m getting a hotel room so I have time to take a break. I didn’t even have the energy to return Sunday. I was so drained and just wanted to stay curled up on my b/f’s bed forever. Friends were all over the place because it wasn’t just Anime Boston, it was Pax East and the together festival. Oh and also pillow fighting in Boston and a burlesque expo in Cambridge. There was way too many things happening this weekend and it was chaos I couldn’t run with. I hope the Steampunk World's Fair won’t be as crazy...but that event is getting bigger each year, thankfully I have a hotel room for that.

There was no Ceremony last night (maintenance on the bar) Today I’m doing a drag photo shoot and possibly other things if we have time. I also plan on hitting up Excess Wednesday and maybe doing more drag? (Or maybe all wear something sexy.) Then there is Friday the 13th for Superstition (I bought a black ski mask for my outfit! I hope it arrives on time! Crap, I need to find some time to go buy some fake blood...hmmm.) This weekend Jon’s friends are having a made up holiday party that is a lot of playing apples to apples, watching movies, wearing pajamas and destroying things.

I need to find somebody to make me a dalek ball gown dress and I gotta start figuring out my outfits for SPWF for that weekend. Whatever I go with... it’s gonna be more scifi/cyberpunk and diesel punk than anything else. Not this weekend but next I need to visit a junkyard for bumpers and parts to make a new jetpack. (I plan to sell my old one at the Steampunk take over of Waltham.)

As I wrap myself in more art projects and conventions as usual ...I’m still not planning much of a future for myself. A friend of mine sent me a great job opportunity but I need health insurance and this temporary job wouldn’t have that. I have one more business idea that I may consider working on. I gotta start buying up power cords and get going on my multimedia project. The good thing about not going out last night is I got a chance to work on one of my paintings. I really hope I get a chance to finish it by the end of the month the latest.
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future outcomes?

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I’ve seen a rash of depressing posts on here and a little bit of the old one liner’s on FB too. Let me just start by saying THERE IS NOTHING WRONG WITH YOU! We all fall into “pit’s of disappear,” yet some of us fall too them more often then we’d like to. If anything, there may be something mentally we can’t figure out what’s causing it or a chemical imbalance in our brains. You are an intelligent and interesting individual who is trying their best to find where they fit in this fucked up, crazy world.

Unless you drown kittens & puppies or have sex with relatives…in this case you may be crazy. But if you’re the type trying to figure out why you’re more sad then happy, this is normal. It doesn’t make us failures, where just different.

So what do we do about it? Take baby steps. Not giving a fuck is also a good way about seeing the world. (This is how some are trying to cope with stress, the constant worry of judgment from others, depression and awkwardness.) For anybody who’s struggling with life, let it be getting out bed to having to find a shrink or pills to be in a good mood…I honestly don’t think all ever be happy 24-7.

And that’s ok! Does it still feel sucky? Well yes it does. But think about it…what type of happiness are you trying to achieve? Does friend X seem happier then you? Why does it matter? With a rash of stupid and judgmental people, I feel it’s hard to be happy all the time and I feel more like “grin and bear it then go home and have a drink or 5.” At least at work anyway... But anyway I digress.

I love the fact that I’m not happy all the time. Pain and sadness has always given me a new perspective and when I do see something beautiful and feel happy for whatever reason it probably feel’s 10 times more awesome then it should. I’m not bipolar. (And if you need a good example, ask me! I use to date a guy who was. But I don’t want to get into that now.) Depression is my internal struggle. I guess its better then battling a disease, car loans, being stressed out 24-7 at a job or sword fighting a dinosaur.

Those internal demons telling me I suck, I’m no good, blah blah blah. I guess all always have to fight them back. So be it. I don’t have to fight them alone though. Neither do you if you choose to find help if you think it’s needed.

If your soooooo happy all the time, for one you’ll turn into those yippy little dogs and even they get sad sometimes, you just don’t see it! Not everybody loves the over excited dog who pee’s on the floor when somebody new enters the room. Now if you are as ecstatic as a yippy dog 24-7… I call bullshit. Everybody has something to be unhappy about just as everybody has something to be happy about. Everybody has problems and we find ways to fix or cope with them. That’s life, for everyone. Some people just have less or more to cope with. Some of us can take leaps while other’s need to take baby steps. I found this adorable cartoon strip about “setting up expectation’s for oneself" to not feel guilty. Simple things like “I work/am available from 8-5," "we eat dinner together as a family every night" and my favorite "I need 5 minutes every night too stress out and self loath." The cartoon strip is stuck under my art easel where I paint now. It reminds me that we can’t be perfect, happy fucking human beings. It’s good to set out expectations but unexpected changes can happen and feeling guilty for feeling guilty is something we just gotta do sometimes.

During the winter I fall into weeks of depression sometimes months. (The only energy I’ve had was to go to a job and I know for some that’s imposable.) Only a few times in my life I’ve been so blahhhhh I’ve had to take mental sick days. I usually don’t want to go out as much, I do less healthy things like less exercising and I defiantly don’t want to touch the hobbies I love to do. I worry about where my life is going, how my depression makes my relationship suffer and on and on. But hey, don’t feel like you need to force yourself to be what is considered “human/normal behavior.” So for anybody who’s going through it, I understand how you’re feeling. Take your time getting into the swing of it and for all you non-depressed people out there, respect that some of your friends/loved one’s may just need a few days to a month off to regain happiness to the level they desire. If anything, be a good listener if we need it and maybe try to drag us out, just don’t be surprised if we have to go home early.

As a kid I was always considered a “slow learner.” So taking my time to slump out of my depression is healthier then getting frustrated with myself about being so sad in the first place. We are all searching for that level of happiness which may not exist to the expectations we want it to be at. Thankfully there are love songs/breakup songs, TV and movie shows, zoloft and other drugs to treat depression, deserts & drinks and lastly friends and family that love us for who we are to help us try to return to a happy level that is better than being sad face.

I’m no Doctor, I cope with depression like I have a cold. (Actually when I’m sick I’m at my most depressed.) Eventually you’ll have an euphony or choose to find some help. I also hear having sexy time helps with the happy. :P Maybe we all need to suck it up and get laid more. I just recently got over a few weeks of depression, art was the majority of what pulled me out. Turning to something you find relaxing or comforts you helps.
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It doesn’t look like Peter Murphy’s voice has changed and he probably still has an ego but he still seems very devoted to his fans. I’ve been listening to some of his new stuff as all probably be hearing it at the middle east this Thursday night. A lot of bands and solo musicians go through some transitions and changes; it doesn’t seem like peter Murphy has changed much, just his stories and the music sounds more clear and crisp thanks to better recordings.
Before I started listening to The Cure or even siouxsie…I was listening to Bauhaus. I never had any friends that where into them and a few years ago I figured out I had been saying there band name incorrectly. (I have to watch myself still because I still say it wrong.) I heard about the band on my usual online forums I spent most of my life on during middle and high school. I was able to pick up two used CD’s of them at strawberries (or whatever it was called) in Fitchburg. I got a copy of The Flat Field album and one of their live two disc compilation albums. I remember sitting in the den, listening to flat fields on our surround sound system and being put into a trance. It wasn’t the usual metal or 80’s stuff that I usually listened too, it was raw and yet patient and beautiful. His voice kind of cuts into you and I usually needed to be in a "mood" to listen to it. After Bauhaus and peter, I looked yonder to the darker side of music. I never saw him when he was playing at some club in Boston a few years back as I didn’t know it was happening till the day after due to bad promoting.
I should dig up the old CD's. I use to listen to them so much I have a feeling they have gone missing at this point. Thank goodness for mp3’s! I should get myself back in the mood for him this Thursday. So many friends are going, hopefully it will be a magical night. I hope Peter throws in a few old classics from his Bauhaus days.

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What have I left behind?

I for the life of me just don't friggen know.

my subconscious knows but even it doesn't know what to do, but cry.


Oct. 26th, 2011 06:34 pm
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Some people have put me into this situation.

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cut )
and now for something completely different!

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What fictional television show would you want to live in? What character would you play?

The Tribe
I'd be a female warrior trying to lead kids to a better survival.


A traveler just trying to escape the law doing whatever there is for work.
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I was looking forward to Vigil tonight. Then maybe even NPCing for a larp over the weekend and VMT class sunday... but now I’m sick. My throat’s sourness has come down but the head ache/fever is starting up. I'm kind of wishing I didn't end up eating lunch after all. I'm Not sure how long I can last and it’s only 1:30. How often can a person take pain relievers? I took two Advil around 7:15am this morning...hmmm. I really want to go home. …And I need somebody to wash my dishes. (B/c who knows, maybe the roommate will do them?..mmm...probably not.)

This is just not my week.
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